CHOOSING LOVE, JOY AND HAPPINESS:MORE ANNOYING ANECDOTES FROM UNINFORMED LIFE COACHES

Because I have ventured into the world of Femmepreneurship in a bigger way in the past two years , I have continued to notice a trend that keeps gaining momentum, and keeps infuriating me.
There are so many life coaches, healers and authors out there now who generously offer inspiring quotes on their Facebook and Twitter pages. They write  useful self help articles online. They mean well, these coaches, healers and authors. I know they do.

Their platform is the power of self accountability, self choice for more positive outcomes, and  self responsibility. The thing is, their universal truth is not so universal.

These life coaches have a few things in common, as far as I can tell:

• They can eat
• They can turn on their faucets
• They can leave their home without worrying whether they or their family will be shot / hatcheted / burned to death 
• They have a place to call home
• They can speak freely , become educated and own their own businesses pretty much unencumbered by military governments, secret police, religious zealotry, or rampant subjugation of women.

I am not saying these life coaches did not overcome major obstacles in their own lives.Many of them have come out of extremely dire circumstances to get where they are, and yes, they did make a choice . I just don't accept their adamant belief that we can all just "choose differently" without advocacy in place every step along the way. Advocacy such as relief organizations, medical support, food and medical supplies, social services, experts in therapy and healing ,  therapeutic organizations to help with trauma survivors, volunteers willing to transport people, protect people and transform unlivable conditions.

Let's take a broader look.

Starvation:
According to www.worldhunger.org, 1 out of 9 people in the world is starving. When a person is starving, their brain atrophies, muscles are in constant pain, swallowing is virtually impossible, organs waste away, apathy and hopelessness become all consuming, and the ability to connect with humanity is severely diminished. A starving person does not have the energy to "choose their own love, happiness or joy".

Running water:
According to www.water.org 1 in 9 people do not have access to safe water.
Over 2,000 people die daily (many children) from cholera, diarrhea and other unsafe water related diseases. A person living near contaminated water, or with little to no water, may not be redirecting their thoughts to "choose their own love, happiness or joy". They may need to address their dehydration first.

War:
According to an article in the Independent, only 11 countries  in the world live in relative peace. People in war torn countries, living in refugee camps, of course still find love, happiness and joy. After all, the human spirit is miraculously resilient. But, a person living in a war zone may have a few other things to contend with along the way besides their "free choice to love, happiness and joy".  And even those who come back from war , our veterans, may be in such a state of PTSD that "choosing love and happiness" may take second rank to overcoming the belief that  they are not under constant attack.

Refugee Camps:
Close to one billion people do not have a home. Many are living in makeshift shelters and refugee camps to escape violence in their homeland. Conditions in refugee camps can be very harsh: dry heat, overcrowding, disease, lack of safety for girls and women. Surviving the day may be someone's greatest achievement. Knowing that someone such as an "expert life coach" has given them the go ahead to choose their own happiness may somehow not have gently fallen on their ears.

Human Trafficking:
There are still over 30 million slaves worldwide. Slaves- people who have no choice and are owned by someone else, are human beings treated as chattel . Of these 30 million, 2 million are children. Sex trafficking is a $32 billion dollar industry. So....  I am guessing that :"choosing love , happiness and joy" would be nice, but not necessarily at the top of the list for a woman with no rights and no options.

My point is, unless a person's basic needs are met, anecdotes such as 'Choose Love." "Choose Your Own  Happiness" and "To be happy, you need to make your own happiness" are insufficient .
I say to those who speak these anecdotes-

"Choose to serve those who NEED love, food, a home, safety, hope.' 

This Labor Day, as we get ready to honor our those who stood up for workers, let's remember that Choosing Love and Choosing Happiness can only happen when we first choose to acknowledge all that has been freely given to us.

Namaste 

THE BELLY DANCING BUSINESS PLAN for FEMMEPRENEURS

        One day last year , I was meditating on how to grow my business.

The thought that dropped into my lap was " Belly Dancing". The next day I of course received an invitation to join a belly dancing class in my area.

Rather than continue to struggle with developing a linear,"tactical" business growth plan, I listened to my gut which is always right.

Why is my gut always right? Here are a few insights from the most current research on belly wisdom.

The belly is known as the second brain, because it houses our enteric nervous system(ENS).The ENS not only sends signals to the brain and vice versa, the ENS is like a giant recorder, absorbing everything we think and feel. From a somatic point of view,  belly tissue is our psychological hard drive. Those of us who have become experts at  listening to our body wisdom know what's what. And for those who aren't quite there yet, belly dancing WILL help.

      Rigid belly? Rigid thoughts. Rigid actions. Rigid business plan.

     Undulating belly? Riding the waves of your business. Creative actions. Visionary business plan.

       Belly dancing makes you smile and FEEL blissful. Belly dancing is natural to we birth givers and life sustainers. And because belly dancing is designed to elevate our feminine power , there is no need for competition. Belly dancing celebrates women. Belly dancing celebrates celebrates life. 

    Rather than face your business plan "head on", slither up to it "belly on" with these

belly dancing basics.

Hip Circles

When building your business , consider all the different ways you can grow your business. Expand your territory beyond  your vertical linear thinking. Embrace and include new ideas, enveloping them into the fold.

 

Figure 8’s

No matter where you go with your business plan, trust that you will always return to home base: WHY you want to create your business. Be willing to stray away and explore new possibilities with the knowledge that you will come back home.

 

Hip drop

Lift yourself out of any limited thinking about yourself or your business. Only drop what you don't need anymore when the rhythm is right. Play more, and tease your naysayers. You're in control of that hip, and your business.

 

Undulations

Business success and growth comes in waves. Flow with them.You know you are moving fluidly with the waves when your bare feet stay on the ground. Undulations can retreat but they can also push forward. 

Shimmy

Shoulder and hip shimmies shake things up in the most subtle of ways- just enough to keep you from staying on one task for too long, or following a  lead that drains your energy. Shimmies feel light and free, but make no mistake, it takes A LOT of practice to maintain control while still staying loose. 

All belly dancing starts in the feet and knees. Solid footing , trusting that the ground will support you, allows shimmying. Don't get in over your head , say 'yes' when you mean 'no' or do anything that will close down your joy.

 

Smile

Don't be concerned with feeling you need to be serious or "professional" when you meet with clients and peers. Belly dancing helps you maintain your ground.You can't help but feel like smiling when your hips are doing all the talking. 

Rhythm

Belly dancers move to the rhythm of the drum. They use their whole body to transmit that rhythm in both large and small movements. Listen to the rhythm of your business  rather than force your business to follow someone else's rhythm. 

Mastery

Only by tuning in to the subtle wisdom of your body will you gain mastery of your dance. Mastery is only achieved through practice. You have to earn your shimmies, undulations and figure 8's by taking the time to learn proper technique. When developing your business plan, know that it is a work in progress. Are you really the same in your business as you were one year ago? If you are, it is time to take up belly dancing today!

Dress for sensual success

Be more visible in your business. Take bold steps. Get out there. Go barefoot for a change. Be unencumbered in your approach to your business . Less is always more. Always include all your senses in your decisions. When offered an opportunity, or a payment, ask yourself " Does this turn me on?"

Celebrate your beauty by caring for yourself. 

Belly dancers aren't wearing much, but what they are wearing is soft, gilded, and reflective of their environment. Their hair is down. Their eyes are expressive. They mix structure with a billowy sensuality that makes us say Oooo and Ahhhh. Are you too billowy, getting lost in your world without personal boundaries? Wear a pair of harem pants. Are you so locked in your old ways that you can't even think about doing a hip circle? Throw on a flowy dress and take a barefoot walk in the grass. Dare to say yes to what you are really feeling.

And most importantly, tie a belly dancing scarf around your hips and start dancing. All those gold coins dangling from your belly won't move unless you shake them.

 

Special thank you to my teacher, Khadija!

www.TheJOYBreakthrough.com

A CRASH COURSE IN CHARGING YOUR WORTHINESS FOR FEMMEPRENEURS

This past week I set out on a fiscal journey to give myself a raise.

I told God I needed a raise too, asking for guidance to help me find the way to my financial worthiness.

Lined up in columns across the entire floor were blank pieces of paper .

At the top of each column was a piece of paper naming each aspect of my business: Yoga, Training, Consultation, Healing.

First, of course, I opened up sacred space with prayers, ritual, a candle and some sage.

Hey, I consider my work holy work, so I need to charge a holy price!

With Sharpie in hand, and a pile of yellow post its, I began my process of figuring out exactly what I should charge .

I wrote down my first number- the number for what I charge now- on my first yellow post it, then planted it on the first blank sheet of paper in the lineup .

 I stood, yes STOOD , on the paper, and waited. 

How did my body feel? Could I breathe with ease?

 Was I feeling comfortable, resentful, frustrated?

I moved on.

Next paper, next post it , higher number. And so it went.

I am still working on this project.

A lot more happened than I expected.

Mostly Feelings.

Feelings of "what the ?", " are you kidding me?""how do I?" "can I really charge that?" and "hell yeah!"

And a whole lot of resentment. I had no idea the depth of frustration I felt that my generosity over the years had also become my financial roadblock. I also had no idea the depth of resentment I felt for people doing similar work to mine who are charging a whole lot more with far less experience or qualifications.

Over the years I have given too much.Over the years I paid for programs I should not have paid for. I gave too much to someone else's happiness and success at the expense of my own. I completely acknowledge that. 

Why? Because of GUILT.

Can any other Femmepreneurs relate?

I carried around some weird responsibility that kept me in this "ascetic mindset" , but I am not a monk and I do not live in an ashram. No heels allowed there!

So I began to notice- people coming in to my life the past few weeks who push some serious buttons in me.

I felt panicked all of a sudden.

Panic is good. 

Panic means I am finally aware that I am being asked to up my game and  define even better boundaries.

It's like giving yourself a patdown, making sure your worthiness is intact.

A friend of mine told me last week

 " Give from your excess, not from your essence".

You know, when you step into a bigger version of your dreams and business, customers have a way of showing up, "suddenly". 

As soon as this fiscal project began in my mind, people started writing, asking me  how much I charge for my work.

Charging my worthiness is not the same as charging "what I'm worth".

Here is my crash course in charging your worthiness

• Acknowledge your credentials. 
• Value your time and energy
• Have absolute integrity
• Only offer what you can truly give from your excess
• Stand in the price that makes your whole body tingle with delight,  sexier and racier than you are used to.For Scorpios like me, your price will be off the charts!
• That's the price that will reflect your worthiness to the world.

Let me know how it goes.

www.TheJOYBreakthrough.com