If you are a womanpreneur like me with very high expectations of herself, you can sometimes fall into the trap of losing your compassion for yourself and others. You get all wrapped up in the mundane tasks at hand which might be very frustrating( like technology, grr!), that you begin to place unrealistic demands on your abilities and time without giving yourself any supportive way to move through the frustration to a better vantage point.
This past week, I had every desire, intention and NEED to take a retreat. I was fortunate enough to have a friend who is away at the moment, who told me I could use her house any time I needed.
My goal was to listen to recordings from my Personal Growth folder, write in my journal, read some great books, and sleep.
Instead, I got sick, really sick. So sick that last Saturday it took me an hour just to decide to get up from the couch to go get the medications I needed. Getting to the car took another 30 minutes, then turning on the ignition and pulling out of the driveway was another 30 minute will vs body confrontation. I was floored. I slept intermittently for almost 72 hours. I got nothing done, or did I?
During my imposed retreat, memories of past losses, hurts, pains, and brokenness flooded my mind. It was as if I was cleaning out some 'sick' beliefs that had yet lingered deep down below the surface.
I had a moment of clarity by day three. I sensed something new was about to happen in my life, and something no longer needed had just died. But with that death, I saw with new eyes of compassion. As if the scales of illusion had fallen from my eyelids.
I had so much compassion for all I had endured, the way I endured , and how I had dealt with the suffering based on my understanding at the time.
I was reminded of my compassion practices in yoga, which have served me well.
A number of events happened while I did "nothing". My book contract came in the mail with an advance. Woo hoo! I received a large payment for a workshop I had taught. New people signed up for my programs, and I sold a bunch of books online, without lifting a finger.
Some of these compassion practices may seem counterintuitive, but believe me, they are not. If you make these practices a daily part of your life, more WILL come into your life in the feminine way they are supposed to-like a sensual wave of grace.
- Spend 5 minutes a day in non-judgement and equanimity. This means having no opinions, positive or negative, about anything. You just practice BEING.
- When your inner critic shows up, give her a big hug. Don't push her away. Ask her " What do you need, my darling? " Wait for her answer.
- When you feel like you are being pulled in a million directions, or feeling separate from yourself, STOP. Take a deep breath. Ask your heart " How are you right now? How can I help you? " The world will wait. In fact, it's very sexy to let yourself be in your heart, embodied , before you take the next step. Your body relaxes, your skin glows, you move from within.
- When you have those moments of " I am not doing enough", STOP. Breathe. Say to yourself. " I am worthy."
- Rest. One thing we women often do is keep going even when we are exhausted. Guess what? That's the old paradigm, which doesn't work for men or women. Instead, luxuriate after lunch even if for 5 minutes, by allowing your food to digest. Take a 5-10 minute mini-nap or rest when you start to feel groggy, rather than grab that coffee which drains your bones of nutrients, dries your skin and hair and overactivates your adrenals.
- Give yourself permission- permission to feel upset, tired, angry, afraid, excited, happy, vulnerable, fierce, strong, peaceful. Give yourself permission to play in the divine field of your work, rather than have to know.
- Express your true self through your clothes, your words, your daily routines, your nutrition. When you give yourself room to breathe, you loosen up. If you have to dress " corporate" for your job, you can still bring you into the equation with a great piece of jewelry, funky shoes, a unique perfume that suits you.
What are the benefits of compassion?
Better immunity, pain relief, clearer mind, greater sense of connection.
After 72 hours soaked in sickness and self compassion, I finally emerged. I got dressed. I took a step outside. There, directly in my path , was a dead blackbird, her feathers scattered along my path. I felt such compassion for her - this little bird that had tried so hard to get where she needed to go. She didn't make it. It was a sign to me, that my compassion had allowed me to truly let the small frightened flailing little bird inside me take flight into the next life. I quickly cleaned her up , lit a little sage to send her on her way, then sent her where she needed to go.
If you are a womanpreneur who is struggling with the stress of her business or personal life, is not giving yourself the compassion you so desperately need, I can help. I understand your suffering, and I also know how to help you break free.
Love, Marsha
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